Thursday, October 16, 2008

VHP - A Very Ho-Hum Piece of fiction

What happens when a meeting between a VHP activist and a city girl is arranged

for marriage? Read on……

GIRL: Are you superman?

VHP ACTIVIST: No I’m Very Hard to Please man.

GIRL: Ooooooooh la la! My kinda guy!

VHP ACTIVIST: My Kinda Gay? That’s opposition.

GIRL: Never mind! What are your hobbies?

VHP ACTIVIST: VHP

GIRL: Huh?

VHP ACTIVIST: Vandalism, Hadtaal and Partisan Politics

GIRL: Oh! How nice! So what exactly is your job profile like?

VHP ACTIVIST: VHP

GIRL: Which is…..?

VHP ACTIVIST: Vandal who Handles Property

GIRL: Wow! That's like the Accounts Manager.. What property do you handle?

VHP ACTIVIST: Depends. Extortions on a good day. Gold chains and wrist watches on Valentines day.

GIRL: How sweet! Gold chain on Valentine’s day! Is that a hint?

VHP ACTIVIST: Yes. VHP..

GIRL: Lemme guess... Valentine’s Heartfelt Present??

VHP ACTIVIST: No. Valentine Hai Paap. Jo manaenge Vo Honge Punished.

GIRL: Oh… Accha tell me, are your parents supportive of your career?

VHP ACTIVIST (breaks down and starts weeping): I wanted to become a painter. But my parents did not see any future in it. So I decided to make a career of my hobby.

GIRL: That’s not too bad. Show me some of your art-works.

VHP ACTIVIST: (sniff) Here. (hands out some photographs to her)

GIRL: Oh.. but these are pictures of people with their faces painted black.

VHP ACTIVIST: Yes. I took to face-painting. This one’s taken outside Archies gallery. It’s called The Last Shopper.

GIRL: Uh… Ok... Accha since we might end up together, lets know each other’s past. Did you have any girlfriends?

VHP ACTIVIST: That’s a professional hazard.

GIRL: Meaning?

VHP ACTIVIST: Girlfriends are counterproductive to our B.D.

GIRL: BD as in Bajrang Dal?

VHP ACTIVIST: No. BD as in Business Development. Although there was one. I did not bring her any gifts on Valentine ’s Day and explained her how it was American to do so. She slapped me and walked out saying that Saint Valentine was Italian. She ran away with a fellow BD activist who bought a present for her on the sly a month before the V-day.

GIRL: Oh.. I’m sorry.. that kinda explains. Er.. if I may ask, “fellow BD activist” as in Business Developer?

VHP ACTIVIST: No. Bajrang Dal.

GIRL: Aah.. I see.. Uh.. I gotta go now. I have a very high profile meeting to attend.

VHP ACTIVIST: I like you! You’re already talking in my terms! Very High Profile meeting – VHP!!

GIRL: Er… Ri..ght..

VHP ACTIVIST: So, will you marry me?

GIRL (Aloud) : Well…there’s a Very High Probability…

(To herself) …if I want to commit Voluntary Hara-kiri from Psyching out, that is, Mr. VHP…

8 comments:

PRASHANT SINGH said...

LOL !! Nice One .Specially the part about "The last shopper" and Face painting .

Very Humorous Piece , Visage of Horrible Politics

Nirat said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
gnine said...

Mast hai. Ye to paper main chapna chaahiye. Shaayad wo log (Vahi Har***i People) bhi pad le isi bahaane.

the who said...

Thank you Prashant, Nirat and Gnine a.k.a GG..
Hoping that this gets published in a mag..

notgogol said...

Very Hilarious Post :)
Bloghopped here. The argumentative MBA was a lovely read. But I have a genuine question. You mentioned in your post that amongst others, you would like reservation for the aesthetically backward :P How exactly does that work now? Walk up to ugly people and say, "Hey you. You're ugly. Here, you're an OBC from today - Obviously Beauty Challenged."

the who said...

thank you notgogol.. feels good when someone bloghops to our humble abode and actually reads my rantings.. :)

About reservation for the aesthetically backward, you must not make such great ideas gratuitously public, especially now when it's election time, lest some issue-starved neta decides to cash in on it and actually issues OBC certificates!!

notgogol said...

Quite possible actually. Unfortunately for us, there are no neta-filters on our blogs na :)

Sures Kumar TS said...

lol...