Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The Beginner's Survival Guide To The Gym-Assault (Part 2)


(The Leg Extension Machine)

(The Cross Trainer)

Disclaimer: The following ideas will be helpful only if you consider the chances of their occurring a real possibility.

Statutory Warning: In case of any signs of over-exertion viz. fainting, nausea, please stop imagining.


Following are some ideas to survive some popular gym equipments and exercises.

1) The Treadmill: Imagine. You are Basanti of the Sholey fame. Your beloved is handcuffed by your gym trainer who is laughing maliciously a la Gabbar and saying “ Jab tak tere pair challenge tab tak iski saans chalegi

2) The Leg Extension Machine: This is the one where you have to lift a load on your feet. Now , in case you aren’t married or are married but haven’t had any kids as yet, this could well be a possibility when your little brat asks you to papa-papa/mamma-mamma-pair-mein-jhooli-jhooli. And should you fail to do so he is gonna wail his vocal-cords out and you can safely kiss your good-night sleep goodbye. Better be prepared.

3) The Cross Trainer: This is the machine that simulates running without its jerky effect on the knees. So to a bystander, it’d look as if you are doing a slow-motion run as in a Yash-Raj movie. Now what if the guy doing ab-crunches next to you is actually a secret Yash-Raj movie agent. You won’t want to jeopardize your starry dreams and let him find out that you cannot do a slow motion run sexily.

4) The Exerbike: It is the year 2058 and we have run out of all gas supply. Your fancy car is in the garage in abeyance and you have to get back to using good old bikes. Because of human tampering with the food chain most rats have been killed and hence most cats have died from starvation. The dogs are hungry and you are fat (read a lot of meat), hence smack of big returns on their investment. Run for your life!

5) Push-ups (where you can’t bend your knees): You are at the Oscar Award Winning Ceremony wearing extreme slim fit jeans. Your name has been announced for the best actor, singer, director and script writer –the first time in the history of Oscar. As a natural fallout of your excitement you trip over the stairs, lying face down. If you bend your knees to get up, the world will witness your slim-fit jeans come apart at the seams, literally.

I have personally tested these ideas and have found them useful. Any improvisation is most welcome. Until next break-through, Happy Work-out!

8 comments:

PRASHANT SINGH said...

ROTFL .. I never looked at those machines in that way .fitness equipment makers will be thrilled to read this . Specially the description of Treadmill and Leg extension machine . Awesome Insight .Thanks for sharing your "Wisdom"

the who said...

:D
My pleasure..fruits of some painstaking labor!

Punk Princess said...

Gawd you are really into self motivation :P
thats some description...laughter riot. I just wanna join a gym for testing ur ideas....dats sum effective marketing strategy...humour and gyming !

the who said...

@ Princess: Thank you!
Only don't sue me after trying them out! :P

Proxy said...

Lolz... good to know that you haven't lost your sense of humor after all these years!! Interesting insight... :)

the who said...

Thank you Pallav :)
after all these years i've found out life to be funnier!

rahul m said...

i ll try them this monday ,also may be u can try ur hand at script writing ,

the who said...

@ Rahul - :) at the rate with which i'm exploring different proffessions, if i mention another to my parents, i'll get the pink slip!
But thanks for the encouragement and maybe, just maybe, someday... :)
Btw, let me know how your work out turned out to be this monday, and oh, don't beat me up!